YEAH, RIGHT......

I was happily, well maybe not so happily, working at my office today when I received a telephone call from college daughter. She called to tell me that she and her roommate had been thinking about something while eating in the dining hall. That is never a good thing. It usually means I am about to write a check.

Anyway, the two of them decided that since daughter is not getting any scheduled hours at Chili's and roomie only makes a few bucks a week working on campus that the two of them will now work for me.

Excuse me? Doing what?

Now, please excuse the language here, but I am going to quote these two "young ladies" in the exact verbage that they used when they called me. "Mom", Katie said, "We want to be your _itches." The missing letter is not a "w".

How do you respond to that? "My what?!!!!" She repeated the exact same words quoted above, omitted letter included in her statement.

Oh my. "Is that how I taught you to speak?"

I had to ask for a specific definition of what she was saying, or asking, I'm not sure which it was.

She informed me that she and Stacy would come to my office and do work for me and they would come to the house and clean it once a week and also help to start reorganizing the basement so that I could get back to my creating.

Sounds good, but when she started to explain what they wanted to do I started daydreaming about me walking down Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago without a care in the world, fur coat flying out behind me in the breeze (I do not own a fur coat) with these two idiots running behind me trying to keep pace with me as they are carrying all of my packages. I mean, isn't that what "_itches" do for their employers?

And where did that title come from anyway?

Back to reality. I don't shop on Michigan Avenue unless there is a sale so forget about that.

"Oh, so what's the catch?"

"You will pay us."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh" (I knew it would involve a redistribution of wealth). sigh.

"How much do I pay you?"

"Well, we need to have a sit-down."

At this point, blogpals, I am losing it. I am laughing so hard that I can't see and I couldn't catch my breath. I had to put the phone down and go to the bathroom or I was going to need to change my clothes. I was literally gasping for air.

So I gather my composure and asked when they would like to have this "sit down". OMG, I can barely keep myself under control while I am waiting for her answer.

"Well, Saturday is Valentine's Day and I might have a date. I have a big exam on Monday so I need to study all weekend, except Saturday of course. Maybe we could get together on Sunday and you could take us to lunch so we could have a break from studying." She went on to tell me that she and Stacy do not have classes on Tuesdays and they could work for me on Tuesdays.

"So you are going to input data into my Excel program and clean the house and do all the other things I need done and get it all done on Tuesdays?"

"No", she says, "When we don't have other things to do on the weekends, we can do work for you because Stacy has track meets on Fridays or Saturdays most weeks."

"I see. So you can only be my _itches at your convenience. I don't think that is very professional, as _itches go. What does it say in the Professional _itch manual?"

THIS IS MY 21 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!!!!! Have a sit-down so I can buy these two knuckleheads lunch so they can tell me how much they want me to pay them to be my _itches when they feel like being my _itches?!

This is too hysterically funny not to follow through with the sit-down. I have to find out what they are really up to.

Personally, I think they want to go someplace for spring break (over my dead body) and they are trying to figure out how they are going to finance it (again, over my dead body).

Oh, I forgot to mention that Katie told me that part of her "pay" could be my paying her cell phone bill and car insurance (insert "over my dead body" here). Did I ever tell you how much Katie's cell phone bills can be? Her first one ever was $800. No, I haven't paid her cell phone bills in a long time.

So, if I have "_itches", have I finally arrived? Am I finally affluent?

Anyone want to start a pool to see how long this lasts? This is the child who lives in her on campus apartment but has a room here she can't keep clean.

Maybe I should have danced all night.....